Allow not sleep to close your wearied eyes, Until you have reckoned up each daytime deed: ‘Where did I go wrong? What did I do? And what duty’s left undone?’ From first to last review your acts and then Reprove yourself for wretched [or cowardly] acts, but rejoice in those done well.
ACT I, SCENE I. Apocalypse Castle. Balcony. A balmy spring night
Apocalypse Daddy at his post, drinking nightcap. Enter stage left Alice
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Halt, Who goes there?
ALICE
Nay, answer me: stand, and unfold yourself.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Unfold myself? I shalt not stand, Long live King Daddy.
ALICE
Daddy t’is you?
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Tis’ he.
ALICE
You come most carefully upon your hour. Do you have crisps upon you?
APOCALYPSE DADDY
‘Tis now struck twelve; get thee to bed, Alice.
ALICE
For this relief much thanks: but I is not tired master, I need crisps and story. And I am sick from sugar. Do you have savoury treat?
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Enough. Tis quiet yonder, your foolish bartering work not. Why for not you sleep?
ALICE
Not a mouse stirring Daddy, just monster under bed, in cupboard.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Well, good night Alice. If you do meet Monster under bed or bad dreams, the rivals of my watch, bid them make haste.
ALICE
I think I hear them. Stand, ho! Daddy, Who’s there?
Enter: APOCALYPSE MOMMY
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Friends to this ground tis I. My, sweet Alice, what doest thou up at this hour?
ALICE
Thoust dost protest Mommy, my dreams dost not come, lonely ist this night. Need hug and story. And perhaps ice cream.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Give unto you good night kiss. But no cornetto.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
O, farewell, honest Alice, tis but games. Who hath taught you as such?
ALICE
Only thou Daddy. Mommy doth given me blessings for sweet night. Give you good night.
Exit
Five minutes later. On Balcony Apocalypse Mommy and Apocalypse Daddy rest.
ALICE
Hola! DADDY! MOMMY!
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Jesus, What ist thou, is Alice there?
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
‘Tis surely her. My heart beteath so.
ALICE
Welcome, Mommy. Welcome, good Daddy.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
What, has this thing appear’d again to-night? You dost not sleep as normal child?
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
I have not but never seen it.
ALICE
Daddy says Frozen ’tis but our fantasy, And will not let it go, let it go. But alas no, this dreaded sight, twice seen of us: Twas not the music which bewitch you so,
That if again this apparition come,
It was, make no mistake, the Gruffalo.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
The Gruffalo? Tush, tush, ’twill not appear, ‘tis but games. Now for bed young Alice.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Do ‘ast your father ask young Alice; Rest deep within your comfortable palace, So that you are so fortified against our story Of the dreadful beast in all it’s terrible glory.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Well, sit we down and drink.
And let us hear Alice speak of this which torment her sleep. And mine.
ALICE
Last night of all,
I had bad dreams of that I’m sure Had some course of magic to bare,
Of dreams created by Julia Donaldson,
And as one, the Gruffalo did appear.
Enter Ghost (dressed as the Gruffalo)
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Hark! Peace, break thee off; look, where it comes again! ‘tis oh shit.
ALICE
In the same figure, like the Gruffalo. As in my dreams.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
My eyes do deceive me, thou art a scholar; speak to it, Apocalypse Daddy.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
You speaketh with thy beast. But it has eyes like rage.
ALICE
Most like. It harrows me with fear and wonder, how it’s turned out toes o’ yonder.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
It would be spoke to. Hark, it’s terrible teeth in terrible jaws.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Question it, APOCALYPSE DADDY!
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Not I, surely. ‘Tis you to question it.
ALICE
What art thou that usurp’st this time of night Daddy, Together we can banish this terrible beast,
In which the mouse trick and fool the least.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
All we need is night-time feast. Look it is offended.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
See, it stalks away!
ALICE
Stay! Speak, speak! I charge thee, speak!
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Don’t encourage it Alice.
Exit Ghost (dressed as the Gruffalo)
APOCALYPSE DADDY
‘Tis gone, and will not answer.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
How now, Haribo! you tremble and look pale:
Is not this something more than fantasy? What think you on this terrible tale?
ALICE
Before my King I might not this grieve, His orange eyes and black tongue. His favourite story is make believe.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Is it not like a fairy-tale?
ALICE
As thou art to thyself?
I will go to bed if you read me one more story. And cake, biscuits and chocolate. Can I have some before bed?
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Enough, tis time for bed. No midnight snack, no more songs, no more stories, nor cake.
ALICE
But why Daddy? Why oh why? Did you not see before your eyes, The same thing as I? Just one more song, one more story? Otherwise I cry.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
Right, this really is it. Good now, sit down, and I will tell thee, What I know. I fear you take advantage.
Was this ghost, you speak of really so?
And why here? Why now, upon these castle walls?
ALICE
One more song, and then I promise, That can I;
I will sleep and not shout your name through night.
Whose image even but now appear’d to us, MOMMY, DADDY!
APOCALYPSE DADDY
I think I have had enough of this,
Tis half past the witching hour and still you insist, You can’t eat fruit or cake or drink;
Just go to bed. FFS
ALICE
A teddy is in trouble in the mind’s eye.
In the most high and palmy state of Rome, A little ere the mightiest Peter Rabbit fell, Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets: Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high,
Like Julius Ceasar up in the sky; And even the like Peppa Pig events, As harbingers preceding still the fates
But soft, behold! lo, where it comes again!
Re-enter Ghost
For fucks sake.
In yonder distance alarm clock crows.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Shall I strike at it with a bat?
ALICE
No, ‘tis merely the Gruffalo.
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
‘Tis here!
ALICE
‘Tis here!
APOCALYPSE DADDY
‘Tis gone!
Exit Ghost
ALICE
It was about to speak, when the alarm clock crew.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
‘Tis three o’clock in the morning. Am I the only one still yawning?
APOCALYPSE MOMMY
I’m cream-crackered.
ALICE
My work is done.
APOCALYPSE DADDY
Your work is done?
You wait until tomorrow, in three hours you will be sorry.
ALICE
No Daddy, you will be tired.
Exeunt